(Ed. Note: Our series "Puck Daddy's Guilty Pleasures" features puckheads from all walks of life answering questions about their own hockey-related guilty pleasures. It will run daily during the month of August. Have a suggestion for a "Guilty Pleasures" guest blogger?�Hit us on email. Enjoy!)
Today's Special Guest: Heather, a.k.a. Wrap Around Curl, who blogs about junior hockey and brings the funny on Twitter @wraparoundcurl.
1. The Player You Most Love To Hate
Sidney Crosby. Not for his talent or his "ahw shucks" attitude and sometimes junk punching. But because of his booty that when asked to stop, it simply refuses. He and Coco both somehow find pants that fit. I am incredibly jealous. I want them both to take me shopping and show me these magical jeans that will fit me. Off to Big Booty Babes R Us we shall go.
2. Other Than Your Own, The Team You Can't Help Rooting For
As a West Coast dame with love for the Toronto Maple Leafs, it puts me in a predicament.
For some reason, my own conference bores me. I have a strange and odd affection for the Penguins. It is purely a love/hate relationship. It's nasty and messy and volatile with bits of love. They're the Ronnie to my Sammy. We scream and throw plates and piss off everyone else in the house. But then we get over it and go tanning and then clubbing. I speak of them much like one speaks of a bad bender that involves a handle of tequila, destruction of public property and police intervention. Which, really, is still on par with the Jersey Shore parallel.
It's a shame I carry ? very similar to when I hit the drive thru of McDonalds and pound my McNuggets (with sweet and sour), fries and Dr Pepper as if it were my last meal on earth. There's instant satisfaction and 30 minutes later I feel cheap and used and regretful of the decision I have made.
3. Favorite Fight or Brawl of All-Time
Anything involving Sean Avery.
I concoct elaborate melodramas in my head that entail the dialogs that leads to fisticuffs with Avery. Obviously, fashion is the main focus. Criticizing others for wearing white after Labor Day, buying fake Coach bags for their wives, etc. I imagine this is how he bothers others and I find it charming. Where is my SAvery reality show (as long as whenever it airs does not conflict with "Toddlers and Tiaras")? The Kardashians need to be dethroned and Sean is the one to do it.
4. The Hideous-Looking Hockey Jersey You Secretly Love The Most
The Lightning. It doesn't even look like a real team jersey, like it was made by some misguided Hollywood type for a movie. The font is a bit awkward but wonderful at the same time. I adore the black and the blue and, if that wasn't enough, the silver/metallic stitching. The idea of it alone just makes me laugh, given the sweltering weather/hockey jersey juxtaposition.
Plus, I look cute in blue.
5. Your Favorite Hockey Clich� (terminology, traditions, announcer-speak, etc.)
"Loose in the slot."
For some the 'O' in slot seems to tumble out as a 'U' instead, and I am reduced to giggling like a middle schooler. Anything that vaguely sounds like potentially X-rated dirty talk and pornographic euphemisms thrills me. It's the joy of using hockey slang to attract a mate and flirtation of the language.
6. The Injury You Couldn't Stop Staring At (Non-Skate Lacerations Only)
The fact that Alexandre Burrows still has a face is a hockey miracle. That chippy little meat suit should be on his third nose and ninth set of teeth and have a couple of replaced hips by now. Yeah, and his face is pretty, okay? I feel dirty for saying it. I should have put on a HAZMAT suit before even admitting that.�
7. Your Favorite Cheesy Hockey Reference in Popular Culture
The Mighty Ducks franchise. The third film is hilarious.
The Ducks blow a nine-goal lead. I don't even think the Maple Leafs are that awful. Each Duck was picked to represent a different hockey locale and they sport their jersey and also represent the microcosmic stereotype of their locale. How can we forget the enigmatic Gunnar Stahl?
These films, while not perfect, were my childhood. I've endured far too many baseball and football films. Why not hockey?
Obviously, "The Love Guru" is something we pretend that never happened. Much like "Glitter", "Gigli" and some actresses' alleged face work. But the films still occupy that little sliver of my heart that feels warmth and fuzziness. It is now incredible to watch when you realize Connie ended up on "Mad Men" and the fact Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen are brothers.
I mourn the lack of Adam Banks in my life. I still hold dear knuckle pucks and cake eaters. And yes, my friends and I have screamed "FLYING V" during games.�
8. Finally, What's The Thing You Secretly Respect Gary Bettman For The Most?
He routinely chooses to make appearances knowing he is one of the most hated Kiebler elves (aside from the Habs starting line).
By now he could have had someone appear on his behalf and smile and announce the trades at the draft. Hire someone likable, I bet Jon Hamm would do it. Mix in Michael Bubl� too, they can to the Hamm and Bubl� routine. But he still appears in public and sullies the end of the playoffs with his wonky Sesame Street Count face, yammering with that gaping maw that is just incredibly punchable.
Also, if Jon Hamm isn't available, Alexander Skarsgard would suffice.
Delvecchio, AlexAlex Delvecchio Denneny, CyCy Denneny Derian Hatcher Detroit Red Wings Dick Dougherty
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